Thinking About the Future

I know, it's been a while since I last posted; and it's not for lack of anything to say -- rather, I've been having trouble clarifying exactly what it is I WANT to say...does that make any sense? Much has been brewing these past few weeks, but I think the most pressing subject on my mind these days is pondering Max's future, and I'm not even thinking long term future either. I'm thinking in the next couple of years, when he's ready to transition to kindergarten. Will he be ready? Will he be able to attend a regular class? Will he have the confidence and positive outlook necessary to cope with being around kids who are bigger, faster and, well, typical.

I had a meeting with the school team this month to discuss Max's progress and set new goals for the upcoming year. Everyone was pleased with his progress thus far as he has met all of his goals and even exceeded some of them. I know this program is a good fit for him, but he can't stay in this classroom forever. In the fall, Max will begin attending the regular kindergarten class for a portion of the morning, with an aide. This will give us a better idea of whether or not he'll be ready for mainstreaming the following Fall. My concern for him is whether or not we'll be able to find an aide for him; someone who will treat him with respect and kindness.

I worry because I always...yes, always....feel as if I'm not doing enough. I worry because I feel responsible for his future happiness. I worry because I am the mother of a child with special needs. But, perhaps I worry simply because I am a mother.

Remembering Zoey

Four years ago today, our daughter, Zoey (Max's twin) passed away after 8 weeks, 4 days, 6 hours and 35 minutes. The following is a simple poem I wrote for her that is engraved on her marker.

Zoey's Gift

A precious little angel was sent from Heaven above,
To bless us with her presence and grace us with her love.

She was our little miracle, innocent and pure,
Who made a lasting impression that will forever endure.

My darling little daughter you have changed our lives forever,
And offered us your gift of life that we will always treasure.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy